Pathetic

I'm not trying to blame him for making me feel as though I was enough.

I'm just so confused at myself for being so dumb and for everything I did. From my last case, I've promised myself that I wouldn't let a guy become my whole world again but look now. I don't understand how I got attached, though.

look, I know what we had is over, but its just so hard.

It's hard when I really get to know this person; his personality, his secrets, his fears, his fave things, what he loves, what he hates- literally everything and then I have to go back to being strangers even when I know anything about him.

I mean, how am I supposed to be fine? most of the love I had in the world went to him. I gave all of me.

he was my home. He holds all my memories. All of them, from times when I was too proud to listen, to times when I was too scared to speak. I've felt my happiest and saddest with him.

he was all my nights and days, regardless, he is my home. he is the hands that carved me.

can you even imagine how pathetic it makes me feel?

To The Friend Who Heal My Broken Heart

Thank you for listening to me talk about it over and over again and wiping off my tears.
Thank you for telling me that I'm special, that I deserve more, that I am special, that I am loved even if I'm shattered into a million pieces.
Thank you for picking up my pieces when I can't find them, thank you for putting me back together when I am all over the place.
Thank you for reminding me that even though a lot of people will break my heart, you never will.
Thank you for giving the reassurance I keep looking for in everyone else.
Thank you for being my therapist, thank you for guiding me, thank you for healing me and asking for nothing in return.
You should know that without you, I wouldn't have made it, I wouldn't have seen another day, I wouldn't have seen the light.
Without you, I Would've stayed broken and maybe even damaged.
Without you, I wouldn't have rebuilt myself.
Thank you for being there. thank you for being present. thank you for being the ones who stay in a world where everyone leaves.
Thank you for loving me loudly and silently.
Thank you for trying to fix me even when you're broken.
Thank you for showing me that some hearts will always love me, that love doesn't always have to leave me broken and that some hearts will never give up on me.
Thank you for embodying the kind of love I am looking for and reminding me to keep my standards high and my head higher.
Thank you for being my defibrillators. The ones who bring me back to life. The ones who teach me how to love again.

Dedicated to my darling sisters in life.
Thank you for being my human diary.

Febrina Gita Grahita
Dini Sulfiani